Soulmates
Usually I put these thoughts on Twitter but it’s you, so I can’t.
It’s so easy to talk about our problems and the way
we tore one another apart again
and again.
It’s harder to talk about the way you loved me and the way I loved you
and it makes me think-
sometimes-
about soulmates.
I think we have so many soulmates,
sometimes
we are lucky enough to meet only one a lifetime
and other times we are not so lucky.
You and I met and the world around us stopped spinning
and as we hurtled toward the sun we burnt apart like Icarus’ golden wings.
I miss you-
on days where I think about how warm the sun was in the morning light
just seconds before we took the plunge towards oblivion.
I miss when topaz was my favorite color and cafes were the warmest place I could imagine on a
rainy day
instead of spots I avoid like the plague.
Where was this going?
Is this a love poem or a philosophical theory?
Aren’t they one in the same?
You see I can still feel your bad days,
I can still feel when you smoke too many cigarettes in a row and your lungs constrict and blow
apart.
I can feel your panic attacks creeping up your throat and your nightmares shaking you awake.
Do you feel my fingers down my throat?
Do you feel the growl in my stomach on the days I don’t eat?
Do you feel my trauma radiate
through your body the way I feel
yours?
You see I think we have more than one soulmate
I’m laying in bed with one of mine right now and
his deep breathing as he sleeps is the only type of warmth I’ve ever known without falling from
the sky.
Another one lives half way across the world and I begin every morning smiling because they
exist.
And you,
somewhere less than 100 miles away
with a headache and ringing ears,
you exist somewhere in my atoms.
A chunk of me lives in you too-
we fell apart in this life and the last.
We fell apart in every life before this one
that we almost shared together.
But I know I’ll find you again in the next,
and we will fall apart
again
and again
and again
until the world aligns
and the star that made us
stops imploding.
Until our souls finally meet in the right place at the right time and meld together-
again
and again
and again.
Breanna Reyes is a twenty-three year old, indigenous author born and raised in sunny central California. Reyes is a poet and a story teller shifting focus between fantasy/sci-fi and real depictions of trauma often told through prose. They live with their three cats and one very rambunctious rabbit as well as their Fiancé in Lodi, CA.